By Michael Michalski, Hollywood Staff
Let's get one thing straight: replicants within a film are way, way cool. The original Blade Runner fashioned a world few flicks have ever touched, with Ridley Scott's vision of Philip K. Dick's original dystopian tale still influencing directors some 30-plus years after its initial release. The icy cool robotic replicants that inhabited Ridley's world - nearly indistinguishable from their human counterparts - are primarily the reason why. Thing is, now Scott is reportedly looking at replicating Blade Runner itself, with Harrison Ford on record saying the two have "been chatting about it." Need a red flag why this shouldn't happen? The script is now in the hands of Green Lantern writer Michael Green. Yes, that Green Lantern. Be afraid, film fans. Be very afraid. Here's hoping this replicant has a built-in termination date well before its release, saving it a fate similar to these vastly inferior second stanzas to some really enjoyable opening installments.
Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)
When one of the two main actors of a film has already gone to that great gig in the sky, why bother making another installment ? It certainly wasn't because the world was clamoring see John Goodman dance. Bad from note one.
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
A film so horrid it reportedly prompted angry audience members to chase studio execs down the street after viewing it for mere minutes, Exorcist II is lesser-than its original in every way. Maybe the devil made them do it.
Tron: Legacy (2000)
Want a glimpse what Blade Runner 2 might look like? See Tron: Legacy. Better technology isn't worth a flying disc if the story isn't there. This sequel should have titled Tron: Lethargy. Total snoozefest.
Escape from L.A. (1996)
In therapy, many a session was spent trying to help me forget the vision of badass Snake Plissken surfing with Peter Fonda. Man. Why did I have to bring this up again? Booking another appointment . . . now.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Why, Tobe, why?! You can almost forgive a studio for cranking up the sequel machine for pure monetary reasons. When the original director undertakes said assignment (and fails as miserably as this) however, it's unforgiveable. A massacre indeed, just not the one intended.