Greetings, Entourage fans. I'm Natalie, and I'll be taking over for the lovely Kelsea this week. She's come down with a bad case of Lollapalooza, and is currently indisposed. So forgive me if I get anything wrong, I'm the new kid on the digital block.
Vince tries to get his miners TV movie off the ground with the help of Carl Ertz, the producer who screwed him over on Danger Beach! (which in my head, is always pronounced with an exclamation point). But their partnership is cut short when Carl kills himself in the bathroom. It's only slightly more painful than watching Drama and Dice work on their poor man's Family Guy cartoon (and since Family Guy is a poor man's Simpsons, any poorer and we'll be in a third world country.)
Turtle and E both officially end their relationships. Turtle loses his job at Avion and vicariously breaks up with Alex, while E sleeps with Sloane for what may be the last time as she heads out to NYC. Ari, meanwhile, has given up trying to ruin his wife's lovelife in favor of getting his own, taking a young woman (emphasis on YOUNG) out for a date before chickening out and running to his age-appropriate friend Dana. I don't know if that's a step forward for him, but at least it's a step...sideways.
"You are the good kind of addict!"
The main criticism I've heard of Entourage, other than the fact that the characters are all douchebags, is that there's never any plot. (Perhaps they could borrow one from True Blood, they've got plot to spare.) That certainly wasn't the case tonight, as Vince's reunion with Ertz ends in the producer's suicide. Vince actually tried to be the better man this episode, giving Ertz a second chance to work together, despite Ari, E and Turtle's objections. Well-founded objections, as it turns out, when Ertz tries to get Vince to commit to a "Tax Man" movie (that doesn't sound much more ridiculous than his usual projects, honestly) and does a Woody-Allen-in-Annie-Hall sized amount of coke. Vince handles being around the drugs, but who knows how he'll handle seeing Ertz's suicide. At least it will be something for him to do this season besides hanging around and encouraging the other guys, like some poofy-haired fairy godmother.
"Stella did, right?" "Who?" - Ari, and his date.
Back in the usual Entourage land free of consequences, Johnny Drama tries to get a raise for his banana-themed TV show based on screen test numbers. Of course, it goes nowhere and E warns him against it, but Andrew "Dice" Clay doesn't give a damn. And neither do I, actually. For a show with so many cameos, they couldn't have gotten a more interesting comedian? Even Turtle's funnier than the guy, getting some good lines in when he's not mourning the loss of his Avion job. Fortunately, he discovers the perfect replacement for his girlfriend Alex- clams! No, not like that, Turtle just decided to get into the restaurant business, bringing a NYC clam bar to the west coast.
And Ari learns the most important lesson in dating- always date someone old enough to understand your pop cultural references. A shared familiarity with outdated memes is the bedrock on which a relationship is built.
"I would hack off my penis before I would allow you to work with Carl Ertz again."
"I don't know how much you can relate to that girl who blew her brother for an eight-ball"
"I'm not in the program, so I still think you're a douche"
"I'm an incredibly tight 116-year-old man"
Johnny Drama's Ed Hardy shirt was incredibly terrible. Good job, wardrobe department!