« Bridal Bliss

Dear soon-to-be-brides

by Amanda Bechen

Dear soon-to-be-brides,

Here are five things that drive us single ladies crazy…

  1. Your wedding has consumed every conversation.

Yes, I’m excited for you and I DO want to hear all about it, BUT I have a lot of things going on in my life too. Sometimes I’m really not in the mood to hear about your recent deco-mesh fail, your indecision about centerpieces and your “florist with the multiple-personalities”.  Don’t forget to ask me about what’s going on in my life. I’m not about to interrupt “wedding speak” by talking about my epic fail of a haircut or my recent break-up, but please extend me the same courtesy.

  1. You complain about your man. All. The. Time. 

Okay, I’ve spent upwards of $800 on the bridesmaid dress, bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding/shower gifts, hotel room and travel to all of these mandatory and important events. The last thing I want to hear is that there is a possibility that 1) you aren’t going through with it (although I’m the type of friend that would drive the getaway vehicle on your wedding day if you really needed it) or 2) that you’ll be calling me in 3 to 5 years telling me that you’ve decided to call it quits.  PLUS, you’re marrying him… if it’s not working now, what are you doing? I really hope he’s just a little annoying every now and then because I’m starting to think he’s probably going to end up on Cheaters, Cops or 20/20 based on the stories you tell me on a regular basis. Should I be worried or are you just ranting – talk about blurred lines.

  1. Don’t tell me the bridesmaid dress is something I can “totally wear again”.

First of all… please don’t use the word “totally”, I feel like you walked right out of a bad 90s romcom featuring valley girls.  You might as well be blatantly honest. Tell me I’m going to look like a really awkward, giant blue crayon or a sea turtle. I’ll respect you more if you’re honest than if you say it’s a really flattering seafoam green. Being in a hideous bridesmaid dress for several hours on your BIG day is a universal expectation – let’s just keep away from sugar-coating it.

  1.  Please don’t set me up with your 45-year-old, single second-cousin at your wedding, force me to be a part of the bouquet toss or push me onto the dance floor when Beyonce’s Single Ladies starts playing. You might as well put a giant sticker on my forehead that says “Single and desperate”.

I’m completely fine going to a wedding without a plus one. I know you’re “so excited to introduce us” and it would make a great story for your wedding scrapbook (yes, this is me being sarcastic). Forcing me to fight a crowd of teenie boppers that are all at least a foot shorter than me is unfair and slightly embarrassing as the end game is a bouquet of tattered flowers. No thanks, you can find me at the bar making friends with people my own age.  

  1. Enjoy everything about your wedding.

Please stop and “smell the roses”. Hopefully, this is the end-all-be-all of your single life. Every wedding I’ve ever been to ends the same way… The bride says, “It’s already over?” or my favorite, “Can we do it again tomorrow?” I’ve never heard a bride say, “Wow, I’m glad that’s over!” Spoiler Alert: Things are bound to go wrong on your wedding day. See past the drama and enjoy everything.