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  • It's governmental math

    Posted by Jay Morris

    Gov't cost over runs

    Our government has not been able to accurately predict cost for these programs, what makes you think that they will with the public option?

     

  • Illegal Alien Costume

    Posted by Jay Morris

    illegal alien costume

    Can I just ask, is this costume offensive? Meijer has taken it off their shelves.

     

     

  • My Relationship With a Bag Frozen Corn

    Posted by Jay Morris

    After an interesting weekend I now have intimate relationship with a bag of frozen corn. The relationship started after a Friday night “date night” with my wife, my doctor and his laser. After the procedure was over the doctor did ask if I wanted to to keep the laser . I thought it might be a bit difficult to explain to the kids where it came from, not to mention I really don't want to be reminded of what the laser actually did.

     

    After a quick dinner I started my relationship with the frozen corn. It was really cold,really cold, and I could position it anywhere I needed to. I was a feeling much better. After a full weekend of NFL, MLB Playoffs and a couple of movie, our relationship had grown quite strong. Monday morning back to work, less time for the corn. By Wednesday feeling so much better, the bag of corn has stayed in the freezer for the last two days.

     

    Today my wife is telling me that we need to throw away the bag of corn. It is sad that she just doesn't understand this relationship we had, but the other option is eating the corn. I just can't do that. I know where that bag of corn has been.

  • Men Won't Buy Smart Cars

    Posted by Jay Morris

    by Jay Morris--WKZO.COM Columnist--

    I was talking to my wife last she says,” Did you see the smart car driving around the neighborhood? ” I said “yes” with a bit of disdain in my voice. She responded with “If I were single  without kids I would buy one" I thought about what she said and I can't see why any man would ever want to buy one.

    Let me just say I am not a real “car guy” I have owned some of the least cool automobiles ever made. My list includes the Ford Pinto Station wagon, the rotten early 80's Mustang 2, and the Pontiac T-1000. So for me this is not a testosterone filled rant about the undersizing of these smart cars.

    First think about the logistics of fitting into one of those smart tin cans. I have a difficult enough time with leg room in my '96 Cavalier. I always seem to try to stretch out my legs out  without the ability to move another inch or two. Compare that to a smart car, and I think I'd be hunched over like Mr. Incredible from the movie “The Incredibles”.

     I curiously went to the Smart car web site to find all kinds of safety data, which says “The smart fortwo ( yes that is what they call their 2 seater) meets or exceeds all federal government crash test standards, including a 5-star side crash rating, and the highest scores for front and side crash worthiness and roof strength from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. In addition, the vehicle’s safety management system is equipped with advanced crash avoidance (active safety) and crash protection (passive safety) systems that come standard on all models.” I feel nervous just driving next to a smart car, just the possibility of an accident, and I can imagine it crushing like tin foil in my hands.

    I know these objections may not make sense to my wife, but her being 5' 2” and me being 6'1” may have something more to do with my overall dislike for this tin can on wheels. I can already feel how my knees would get crushed in the steering wheel every time I get into the car, only to try to move the seat back. Then realizing that it is back.

  • forward from a from a listener

    Posted by Jay Morris

    I usually don't do this, but this one is just too funny!

     

    Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.


    The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

    The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."


    Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back.."


    The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."


    They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."


    The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"


    Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."


    The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"


    Leroy said, "We shore can!  Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

    A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly  grocery store and asked.

    "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

    They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

    Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."


    The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"


    Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

    Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.


    They're overseeing the Bailout Program.

  • Warrior Ride 2009

    Posted by Jay Morris

    Shaun Willis comes by and Ron Patti visits by phone to talk about Warrior Ride 2009. The Ride is to benefit the Corporal Christopher Kelly Willis Foundation (www.cckwf.org) started by Shaun in memory of his late brother. The Ride and Foundation fund scholarships for children of military vets lost or injured in battle.